The facts...

The fact that you chose to not see this beautiful face every day hurts me, I couldn't imagine a day without seeing this smiling little girl.
The fact that you chose to not hear her laughter, kills me because it's simply the cutest sound on earth.
The fact that you chose to not be a father, to miss her first steps, her first foods, her first day of
Dance, the first dance recital, the first soccer game, first day of school and the fact you have never wanted or even tried to know your own daughter, still to this day makes me sick. I couldn't imagine life without this blessing. In fact it's hard to even remember life without her in it. Five years later, I still can't wrap my head around it. But know, she has the BEST daddy in the world. A man who takes care of her better than you ever could have. A man who is shaping her into the woman she will be in years to come.. A man who is taking responsibility for a job you quit way to fast, and way to early. One of the best responsibilities and blessings God can give us in life, and you quit. Her DADDY  is still picking up the pieces you broke, he's strengthening her heart, he's providing for this child and he 100% loves her as his own. Although it hurts my heart knowing you won't ever know her, it soothes me knowing that this man she calls Daddy, has already given her more than you ever would be capable of. I'm at ease, knowing that you walking away, & not being apart of this beautiful child's life, was the best and only thing you have done for your own child. All rest assured, I thank you.❤️
She is a PULLAN. & he is her daddy!

One year......my smart year:)

It's been well over a year now.
One year(and some odd months) since I willing-ly, regretfully took my daughter to see the other partner who made life for her....It's the only thing I thank him for.
One year since he introduced himself to her by his first name.
One year (a little more now) since he even has asked about her.
One year since I promised to never do that again.
One year since the other woman in his life was nice enough to tell me the truth. "He's on heroin" 
One year since he called me a whore on social media.
One year I got down on my knees and thanked the lord for showing me ONE last time why I should be thankful he's not in her life.
One year ago, I finally was no longer scared to take his petty butt to court!
One.Year....taught me SO much!
Can't wait to see what this next year brings!

The saving challenge!

As some of you may know, in the last month I've totally and  willingly took a huge pay cut.(not that I was making extreme amounts of living money) but I took the challenge to be a stay at home mom and "babysit". I'm currently in the process of getting my day care license, at my home. The process is long and beyond tough. New York state (thankfully) is very strict when it comes to daycare regulations. I've heard about a dozen complaints about it, but honestly.....stop! It's a dang good thing! What? Do you want you kid under anyone's roof!?...that's what I thought. Anyways, before I can get my license I can only babysit ( pinch cheeks) 2 kids/babies, so I'm reaaaalllyyy making hardly nothing... This week I was able to pay our $35 national fuel bill thought! It will continue to be this way until my house gets inspected, I get finger printed, I take a couple classes,exc. SO I've been thinking of ways to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!!
1- making my grocery list based on weekly coupons-thank God for Sunday's!
 2-shopping at ALDI!
3- what my next full years blog will be about........living off the Duggars Moto "buy used and save the difference" I am challenging myself (as I work my second job at Victoria's Secret) to not buy clothes from any store BESIDES consignment, for a FULL year, 356 days!!! I'll be posting my buys with some awesome fashionable pictures of my consignment outfits for the next year!...even SOPHIA'S!... And don't doubt me! I WILL be saving the difference!! Also, at the end of the year I will add up how much I saved doing this in hopes to encourage this challenge to someone else! This world is way too materialistic, and I'm going to prove you can be fashionable, you can have nice things, you can have a good wardrobe without wasting all your money and I'm going to have fun doing it! 
I'll be posting my first buy...shortly!

Drum roll until then

Breaking

Today as I sat on the bathroom floor crying from frustration, I sat there repeating in my head "I quit, I quit, I quit!" I even tried talking myself into packing a bag and going "Home" for the weekend, home as in my mommys house....Balling my eyes out, feeling depressed, overwhelmed, not good enough, feeling like a bad mom, feeling like I'm raising the screaming devil,  somewhere for my first time through this depressing day GOD popped up in my head. Somehow, he made me think of even worse times in my life. As I looked back on them, remembering myself at the lowest point, getting hand fulls of cash that I worked hard for, 3 jobs while pregnant, hard for, trying to support myself, and not succeeding because drug  money was more important. More important that our child! No I never did drugs, that's not who I was. But I did support it....I chose to provide drugs for someone versus buying groceries. Having a gun to my head at 2 months pregnant, having family members and friends try talking me into abortion, or adoption....Sorry, that wasn't me! As god brought those not so good memories back, it made me thankful, made me so thankful I was even enlightened for sitting on the bathroom floor while my toddler whines and kicks while sitting on the potty. I sat in the bathroom looking into the messy kitchen, noticing the food that hadn't even been touched yet. Noticing the microwave! Noticing tons of things I didn't have for only 8 short months.....but seems a lifetime. Making me ten times more grateful for these possessions now. Making me grateful, that the baby that was inside my tummy when I was 2 months pregnant received a mommy AND a daddy, no not both birth parents are in the picture...but at least we are both a live. Being thankful, for the first time in my life I made a life decision to keep my baby. I even was thankful for not having the best dad. Thankful he was an alcoholic. Because if it wasn't for the hell I went through as a child with his alcohol abuse, and his depression and his coldness toward me.....I wouldn't be the mother I am today, which is everything I wanted as a child. Everything I wanted from my father growing up, I make sure Sophia has. Whether I'm providing it for her or whether Andy is providing it for her, Sophia is one fortunate little girl. Sophia has one strong mother, only because of Sophia's grandpa! It's bitter sweet. But what if I didn't go through what I did, would I be this loving of a parent, would I know how to parent? Would I strive to be the parent I never had? For the first time in my life, I'm thanking my daddy. I'm thanking my baby-daddy. I'm grateful for my rough patches in life. I'm grateful for god! As I got up from the bathroom floor, wiped my tears, I went and read my devotional for the day,which couldn't have been on Que any more perfect! And even though i'm still having a bad day, I'm grateful. For everyone, for everything, for bad decisions, for the lessons learned, for faith,for Andy, for family, for daddies, for potty training, for terrible two's, messy kitchens and for bathroom floors!
AMEN!

She's her own kind of Beautiful!

Rewind to May of 2011.
I was living on my own, in Jamestown. Not living a wonderful life.
I was working 2 job, and going crazy.
I peed on 6 pregnancy tests that all read positive, I got dirty, dirty looks from the nurse at my doctors office(who was my grandmothers friend) all because I was pregnant. I was turning 21 in December..Like get over it lady. I understand my age doesn't define weather my pregnancy was right or not...But there's worse things out there. In July I found out the baby has a "vulva" the doctor called it, which minutes later I read " It's a Girl" across my sonogram picture! (cause who knew what a frickin VULVA was!? oh yeah, everyone but me!)
I got a second apartment with Andy in October and it was absolutely perfect!( Don't remind me)
I had Sophia on January 13th and Andy stood by my side the ENTIRE time. From day one everyone knew Sophia would soon be a "Pullan". She came out with Blonde Hair blue eyes....Wait What!? I pictured her the ENTIRE pregnancy with brown, CURLY, CURLY hair and big brown eyes!.....and lots o hair!
But lets face it, she was bald....an looked just like her dad. It made me cry at times, she looked nothing like a Dickerson, nothing like me. Not even her smile, her fingers or her toes, she even has a birthmark like her sperm donor....and I cried.
Every day I pondered "what if she turns out like him"?
"Her personality is going to be just like "his"!
"What if she has a temper?"
"What if its just runs in the family for her to be addicted to drugs?"
"What if she hates me"
"What if she hates Andy"
"What if she would rather be with him"
Things like this crossed my mind..every day, and it SUCKED!
But let me tell you, I've prayed since before I had her that she would be like me, that she would have my personality, have my eyes, my smile, my walk, my voice, my everything, and even though once and a while I see parts of me in her and parts of her biological dad in her...Shes completely her own person. Sophia is crazy,cute,smart,hyper,calm,photogenic,playful, independent, loving, and the MOST caring toddler I have ever met...And quite frankly I really can't take credit for it! She teaches herself, she watches EVERYONE. She picks up on absolutely everything! Everyday she has accomplished something new. Already, at the age of 2 she has mother instincts like non other! I can't even say I was as good of a mother that she is to her baby dolls! (minus dropping them on the floor when shes ready to move on to a different toy, but you get the point) She LOVES shopping!...She constantly asks to go to the mall, not even to buy anything, but just to walk around. She loves playing outside, and shes stubborn as heck at times..but she easily gives in and listens to her parents, she obeys SO extremely well.....like how!?...and why!? I am SO thankful.
All in all, she is nothing like him, and hardly like me... Sophia is Sophia, and her own kind of beautiful!
I no longer thrive to make her like me, I no longer care, just simply because Sophia will be who she is based on how she is raised not by who here sperm donor is, and that I can't be more thankful for! I have no one to thank besides the Lord..

The deed is done!

The deed is done, and I finally feel selfless!

The day has come, the moment I have been waiting for, the moment SOPHIA has been waiting for....
Yes, I allowed it...Willingly.
Sophia met her biological father. I secretly took Sophia to her biological great grandmothers house for her blood father to see her. Under one very STRICT condition.......he was to not be on any drugs...none. Not even weed. (Usually weed doesn't bother me) But this being a very important day in Sophia's life, I wanted him to fully be there, not 70% there.
Any way, It went great while there. He interacted with her, she hated him, she screamed at him and yelled" mommy" the whole time...and then he introduced himself to her as "Carl".
That's when it stung.
I could have cried. I almost cried. I should have cried.... I sat there wondering "who introduces themselves to their OWN child by their first name?" and then I thought about it more.....it was a good thing, its better that way. She has a daddy. Sophia probably would have been confused. This whole situation is no fair to her. My baby girl!
As he tried holding her and as she screamed the more I felt like she had almost been abandoned. It probably was the worse feeling in my life. Realizing my baby girl doesn't need this confusion in her life.
I now can say I played my part, and it actually went well that night, and I left willing to allow him to see her more......Until, days later I found out he was on heroin!..not only ON heroin, but was totally on heroin THAT night he saw her too!
REALLY!?
Just for once in your life can you do whats right! I seriously wanted to run him over.
Over my dead body will someone be around my daughter while on drugs. I have FINALLY come to the realization that most drug abusers WILL always be the same. Take my father for example, he was an alcoholic my whole life. I HATED going home to him. I HATED having a father(not anymore). He has been clean since THE DAY SOPHIA WAS BORN!...but I have no doubt he will relapse...I don't tell him this, but, its just my gut feeling. Usually my gut feelings are pretty good when it comes to those kind of things:)
Relapsing is a total different thing then being a daily abuser. I can forgive for relapsing, I can not and will not forgive for being on drugs while around my daughter. I will NEVER put her in that situation again. I don't regret allowing him to see her or even meet her! BUT, I will not allow it again.
16 years from now, when Sophia asks why she has only met her sperm Donner once, and why he isn't in her life I PRAY so hard that she understands that he wasn't safe...(not that he ever really asks to see her anyways). I hope she also understands I tried EVERYTHING in my power to not put her in a situation where she will get hurt, and any situation that deals with her biological father will end in hurt. I just pray to god she understands and I thank god for giving me the courage to contact him myself, just so he could see her.
My job here is done.
We move on with our lives.
A lesson learned.
I no longer blame myself.
Counting down the days until her last name is Pullan!<3

Once a sinner, always a sinner.

Ya know that saying "Once a cheater always a cheater"?....I'm a believer of that saying, only I don't believe that necessarily means the cheater will always continue to cheat! I just think the cheater will always be classified as a cheater.
Does that make sense?
Anyways, I think this is the same with " Once a sinner, always a sinner".
Everyone's a sinner, weather you mean to be or not. And no sin is greater than another.

Lying is the same sin as having sex before marriage or doing drugs. Get the point?

I understand my sin, all of them, no....most of them. But I live with a certain sin everyday! And that's having Sophia. No, shes not my sin. and no I don't look at her and think....... "your my sin and you remind me of it everyday!".... No not at all.
But I do think about how God wanted me to wait till marriage, he doesn't want me living in sin EVERYDAY with Andy.
And that's what I would like to clarify. We have a family. Out of sin. But we ARE trying to fix that!
That's why we are getting married. We go to church every Sunday, to a church I actually ENJOY! With people I am close to!
God doesn't only come into conversation on Sundays in our home. We are RAISING our daughter with the Lord. Like we promised on April 20th of 2012 to the church as we dedicated Sophia!

Us, sinners.....dedicated Sophia at a church.
Us, sinners want to get married at OUR church. I can already tell you, there are a lot of people at church who don't approve of me...why? Cause they know my sin! It's pretty obvious. And for that.....they don't approve of what Andy is doing....(fathering Sophia, being my fiance).
Those Debbie Downers, who use my sin against me....your sinners too.... but I don't use that against you! Just because I don't know your sin, because you don't make it obvious, like mine is.....Its still no lower than mine. God clarifies in the bible many, many times, that no sin is greater FOR A REASON!

So since I sinned, I need to be legally married at a court house of some sort before I can have a wedding ceremony at the place I worship every Sunday, The place I was good enough to dedicate my daughter at. The place I'm good enough to use my free time and  participate at Vacation Bible School, The Dust of the Rabbi and be on Nursery Duty. My sin isn't used against me when it comes to those things......But when it comes to marriage.?

Do people think I like to live in sin everyday? That I don't want to fix it?
I do want to fix it!..or else I wouldn't be getting married, I wouldn't be waiting to have sex till I'm married! I want another child SO bad. But I know the right thing to do is WAIT TILL MARRIAGE!...and that's exactly what I'm doing!. If doing it the right way wasn't really what I wanted to do, I'd be pregnant again already!..sorry, but not sorry for telling the truth.
I Understand how people can be against my sin, at the same time I don't blame them. But my sin isn't who I AM!
But why its being held against me...I can't fathom.
What happened with forgiveness?

Even thought there are Debbie Downers, at the same time, there are tons of people who don't judge me or Andy. They don't ask questions. They accept me and notice that we are TRYING to do the right thing. And its because of those people, and friends, why I go to church.

Those other people I Thank You for that! And I am Thankful for their friendship, and welcoming arms that some people don't exactly have, just because of my past.



My questions is.......Since everyone is a sinner from DAY ONE, does everyone have to get married in the court house before they have a ceremony at a church? Or is it for a certain sin? (such as mine)
And if so, when did sin's start being classified?????



And will my sin always be used against me?

I know it's not my place to answer any of these questions I have, and I'm sure I'm not the first one to ask these.... Only God has the answers I suppose<3

Shinning Bright

This past weekend I attended a worship seminar, I guess you could call it. It was my first one, and I was nervous and had every single wall up possible. I was out of my comfort zone completely!  I love god, I love all that he does and all that he doesn't. I am a believer and I am just starting to enjoy attending church.....but this seminar,, at first, freaked me out! I don't like meeting new people AT ALL! My family has always had the wrong feelings about god,church, and heaven, so some of these feelings and relationships with the lord are all brand new to me... Come to find out, at this seminar, I don't think I even met one new person! (phew) That's my kinda day, so half way through I started to loosen up. I was traveling through the vending area by MYSELF (if anyone knows me knows I HATE being alone) I even participated in the basket raffle and WON my very first basket! WOOOOHOOO!
 The music was so loud, intimidating, and meaningful in what has been happening in my life that all I wanted to do was DANCE! I actually wanted to put my hands up to god, worship him like all those people in church service do. I've never wanted to do this before and I used to think its embarrassing, but Saturday.... I wanted to be a part of it!
I left with like 60 plus pounds off my shoulders. A brand new woman...A mom I have always WANTED to be, just didn't know how. I pray everyday that Sophia grows up knowing  god, with a relationship with him. I pray she turns to him during the good time AND the bad times in life. I pray that the decisions she makes in life all revolve around him......Saturday, I found the answer to my prayer. Praying isn't going to be the ONLY way she builds this relationship with him, but it starts with ME. God needs to be apart of the family more, we need to have him there 24/7, not only when we need him. I need to focus on praising him and worshiping him myself, in order to teach my daughter. I want her to look up to me while growing up, and seeing that mommy trusts, loves and workshops our father and so can she!
I also want her to be everything I wasn't...
There's no reason  for me not to like meeting new people. I want her to be social! Be that outgoing person people look up to. An independent woman, who can enjoy having time to herself and doing things by herself  unlike her mother. I strive for this!
But most of all, I pray EVERY DAY! that Sophia finds a soul mate, a soul mate who is as precious, loving, understanding, handsome, kind, FORGIVING, trusting, christian, devoted and as amazing as her father<3
...but this all starts with me.
Me, being the person to teach her these things, to guide her in life, and to show her whats out there. Me- being the person to allow her to know what she deserves!

I am her influence, and from now on I will be her influence with god on my shoulder.....and.she.will.understand.this.

I.am.being.the.best.I.can.be.

I'm doing it all for you.
You are my motivation.
You are my everything.

You are my addiction.
You make me strong.


Baby fever!
I am currently ready Mommywood, by Tori Spelling. Which I highly recommend....(when you bored)
But it makes me want another baby.
I want to be pregnant again! I loved being pregnant! I want to be pregnant 5 more times.....or maybe even more! I would even be a surrogant!  It was the most magical feeling ever, to have a little human in your tummy, kicking and wiggling around.. I especially miss the hic-ups!

If you would have asked me 3 years ago if I ever pictured myself wanting to be pregnant at 22 years of age to my SECOND child, I would have said something along the lines of are you "F bombing nuts"!....... But that was then....this is now. I want my second child. SO BAD!
But I'm waiting the have the Pullan's last name. I am 150% sure I WILL spend the rest of my life with this man I call my best friend. We've only been through practically everything together! No matter what happens, I still strive for him, I need him, I am addicted to him as if he is my drug. I never ever was a woman who ever needed a man..I hated man..they were all the same......But I am that woman now, who loves a man, who forgives a man, who needs a man....... I.am.in.love with ONE man...Andrew Pullan
God sent you into my life for one reason.....and that was for me to learn how to love.
without you I am nothing.

Why I didn't wait until I was married to you, only god knows. I wish temptation, and justice was non-existent.  
Those USED to be my weaknesses. I will do it right this time. God is showing me how. He still loves me, that's all that matters. You still love me, you are SO forgiving. She loves me forever & ever<3
If it wasn't for this littler girl, we wouldn't be in this life together, we wouldn't be able to handle everything we have been through. We wouldn't stand where we stand today, the Three of US.

You and her are what I live for<3


Thank.You.For.Everything.

Burden.

Burden much?

I am grateful for all the people who have excepted my daughter and I.

Its not her fault, its not Andy’s fault…. I take the blame 100%

Things could have been different.

Things should have been different.

Is this really what god wanted? For me to sin?

How can he make such a horrid sin, into such a blessing?

Why is my life coming together?…for the first time ever.

How is Andy so ok? So loving? So happy?

I can’t even explain to you how much he loves Sophia.

As his OWN!

How?

Why?

…..I wish she was his. Everyday I WISH. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like a burden. To him, and his family.

I know I’m really not…..its just my thoughts every now and then.

I know this isn’t what his parents dreamed for his future.

To have a soul mate who had a baby with another man.. to have their son father a child that is not his. What parent would ever dream of that?

But they love me, & I love them, just as if they were my real family. They take me as I am. They call Sophia their grandbaby. I.am.blessed….

Bringing a smile to his face!

Last weekend the three of us and grandma and grandpa Pullan were invited to a wedding in Niagara Falls. We “forced, bribed and asked" aunt Cora to tag a long for the trip! I was excited when the invitation came in the mail, since I had never been to Niagara falls, and the wedding was for a friend of Andy’s he hadn’t seen in years; A former band member of his in FF (Failing Friday) band.

The wedding was in a tall gorgeous old stone church, followed by a New York City tradition reception back at the hotel.

It was very neat, and creative…. Each person was assigned a table, each table numbered of course. At every table was a scrapbook of the people who were assigned at that specific table, along with old memories of the bride or groom with their family or friends.

Seeing the Failing Friday picture of my amazing hubs and the groom, along with all the other band members way back in their high school days, was awesome, yet hilarious. Seeing my Andrew trying to be all cool at the age of 15. HA! (just kiddin, he IS cool) was cute. I could also tell from the look on his face it meant a lot to him.

During the reception the DJ also was nice enough to play a Failing Friday song!  Failing Friday reunion for the boys! It meant a lot to me to share this event with my boyfriend. I love being there in times like these for him, it hardly ever happens where I get to be His SUPPORTER.  He’s always there 100% for Sophia and I; like during Sophia birth, supporting us with a home, a brand new car, and the best trip to Niagara Falls!

So, it felt nice to finally stand behind him at this wedding and see him smile, see the old memories of his childhood, and spend time with his long lost friends and be with his parents. AMEN!

I Love seeing a smiling manJ

I look forward to many more special moments with this man and my daughter! 

THANK YOU GOD<3

fun at the hotel

Ten things Sophia SHOULD know about her first year.

The ten things a baby should learn about their first year.

The first year being as precious as it is, they wont remember it.

I'm glad Sophia's memory will be on auto pilot while I had to change her diaper in the trunk of the Honda,multiple times. Or when I quickly pulled the laptop away from her reach at the same moment she went to grab it and fell face first into the corner of the laptop, ending with a bloody eyebrow and a black and blue eye, along with the couple times I strapped her into her car seat safe and sound but when I placed the car seat in the car forgot to buckle it.....OH BOY! 

But there are some things I hope, with reminder of course, she will remember and never forget. 

1.) You were and are Loved!..from the very beginning !

2.) You are the reason I figured out and made a plan for my life.

3.) That wasn't you who left all those puke stains on the couch....( minus all the beer stains left from uncle kyle)

4.)You were and never will be a burden.

    You were or weren't the reason I didn't get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. You might or might not have left stains around the house. I might not have had much time to myself in your first year. But not a single moment of it was a burden. From the start you were a blessing! Always will be a life changer from god<3

5.) You were more patient with mommy and daddy than you had to be.

     You always just sat back and smiled (sticking out your tongue kind of smile), tagged along, and let mommy dress you in anything and everything.  Being our first baby, we were learning and still are learning how to parent. We have done our best. We have failed at some things but we've gained from those failures. You will always be our little Buggie. 

6.)YOU WERE WANTED.

     I didn't have sex thinking" hey im going to do this so i have a baby". It just so happened that things went "wrong" , i guess you could say. And a couple weeks later I was peeing on 6 different pregnancy test, not believing a single one. But just cause you weren't planned(and i know other people will argue about me saying this"i had sex, but didnt PLAN on getting pregnant", cause before i got pregnant I was one of those people) it doesnt mean you weren't wanted. God has a plan for everyone, even if its not what you thought you wanted. Some how, its just meant to be.

7.)You were welcomed.

      You were welcomed by ME and DADDY! thats all that matters. A lot of people held a grudge toward mommy. Weather it was keeping you, or just being pregnant with you. I was the black sheep of my family. Some people were shady towards daddy too. For welcoming you into HIS life. But 'IN YOUR FACES" hes the best daddy in the WORLD! Because of him you have EVERYTHING! and MORE than I ever imagined you would have. He spoils you with love and cuddles! Just because hes not your real daddy, doesnt mean its wrong for him to parent you. Some day you will have his last name...and until that day, I will NOT being changing my last name either. Daddy welcomed you better than your biological father could and did. Your biological father just wasn't ready, he needed to grow up, & care for himself before he is capable of caring for a baby. And being with him is not a healthy situation. But, I AM sorry for choosing him. I just tell myself, If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be here today. 

8.) You weren't perfect (even thought you actually kind of were)

  I'm telling you straight up, you weren't a perfect baby. Only because you will not have a conceited ego.But between you and me, you WERE a perfect baby. You hardly ever cried. But when you did, It was quiet and short. You knew what you wanted and you were very content and independent. 

9.) Daddy's girl.

     I try and tell myself your a mommy's girl. Sometimes he even says you are. You and I just have a VERY special bond, a bond only mommy's and daughters feel from day one of being in our bellies. But lets face it. Daddy is your first LOVE. The light in your eyes when he walks through the room, melts my heart and it takes everything inside of me to not cry...EVERY TIME! Its amazing how much you two connect. No one will ever replace him. I hope and dream of someday ( 30 years from now) him walking you down the isle, giving his blessing to someone just as amazing as your daddy was, not that anyone could ever measure up; but you get the point. 

10.) YOU, are the inspiration in my life.

     Honestly, I KNOW I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for seeing the fluttering of your heart beat, or feeling those little kicks and nightly hic-ups you had inside of me...Remember baby girl, theres a reason for EVERYTHING! 

(picture taken by Lavalley Photography)

We Will Always Be a Family... Mommy & Daddy will Love you NO MATTER WHAT!

(picture taken by Little Owl Photography)

Addiction

Addiction..

My latest addiction is Pinterest!...UGHHH!

If you've never heard of it, or have the will power to never go to the site...then DONT DO IT!

I have spent hours on end on this web page....probably more than I have spent on facebook, believe it or not. 

Its cute, and the ideas are phenomenal.. But ADDICTION! OH EM GEE!

I have attempted some of the DIY projects on the site..a couple are a lost cause, and they really spike the creative side I've never had before.  But most of the time I feel as if some stuff posted on there is not as realistic as they make it seem...SOME stuff.

Here are some of the things I have successfully accomplished from pinterest.com.

As I try hard to slowly wean myself away from pinterest, I have came to find a new favorite webpage..not AS addicting and way MORE realistic; If thats the right word.

babble.com

AMAZING!

THE END

Just kidding..

babbles main purpose if for families. with kids.

its has more of the items you would have laying around your house to make an easier more convenient and affordable DIY.

It has lots of bloggers, which are rather inspiring to me. 

Check it out! They blog about almost every baby related topic you could imagine. They have recipes. And crafts. They have do's and dont's . I love it, and its SO helpful!& its geared more for moms! ...AMEN!

Reality?

Hello Reality...

So Im a picture-holic!...What mother isn't???

I honestly take 10-20 pictures of my daughter EACH DAY.

She is a very smiley baby, Don't get me wrong! She is a very good, content, happy,independent 8 month old. She does know what she wants when she wants it!. She has an attitude like non other. & she knows how to get everyones attention, work the camera and make everyone laugh and feel loved.

Thats my Sophia Lyn. 

Any way!

Most of my pictures are of her smiling from ear to ear, kissing someone or something, or being just so darn cute. 

Well Im doing a "Hello Reality" project I got from a previous blogger. Its a funny challenge for Madres with all ages of kids to do!

Take a cute picture of Sophia sitting in the bath tub for instance.

I have a cute picture of her in the tub playing with foam letters...so innocent and so cute..

But my REALITY picture is, 5 seconds after i took this picture Sophia crapped in the tub and it was a horrid mess!

Yikes, I DIDNT show that picture on my facebook!

Life with a baby is filled with fun and messes. Laughter and Cries.

Have some fun and take pictures of that bad moments also! 10 Years from now, you'll laugh at them too! 

After taking about 7 trips up and down a flight of stairs for nice clean warm water, sophia puked all in this pool, obviously after this picture.

This picture is posted on my Facebook. Sophia just got done eating 3 helpings of 2nd stage foods! Thats A LOT!...I and everyone who commented on this picture said something along the lines of "nap time"...Well it was the complete opposite. She didn't nap at all that day. She screamed for at least two hours and then threw up the food....Guess she ate to much! Note to self and everyone else out there...Don't give baby 3 helpings of food, even if they think they can do it!

This picture was taken at grandma and grandpas house. Sophia just learned how to crawl under things but hasn't learned how to get herself out. 
When I took this picture i thought she was having fun. I was clapping and squealing.. But Sophia didn't like it... I guess she was stuck, which resulted in her screaming bloody murder and not wanting to go near the chair again that night. I have a lot of pictures of my little girl in her x-er-saucer... BUT most of the time......She absolutely hates the thing! This is probably one of 12 shots I got of her this day in the x-er-saucer...But all the other 11 she is crying.

Yea this picture....was just taken today..So CUTE! well....she fell and smoked her face off the t.v. stand right after this because mommy thought matching pink socks would be cute with a baby who pulls herself up on things while having a hard wood floor.....She is now barefoot for the rest of this damp chilly day....

Crazy-ness

Clueing in on our life!
Life is a complicated wonderful thing. ......Bittersweet sums it up!
In the last week we moved 2 big truck loads from out apartment to the house on Houston ave. Still not 100% packed, and Andy's parents still have 80% to still pack at Houston to moved to Erie. Joy, the house is way crammed and totally not baby proof!
This morning the t.v. wasn't working and Mommy told Sophia we could go for a walk.  But DUH me! The stroller isn't here yet. What to do!???
Everything is packed!
Sophia loves all the commotion, and enjoys getting into everything.
Within 15 minutes this morning she was chewing on the end of scissors, dropped pliers on her foot, screamed bloody murder and kept trying to pull the plant and glass dishes off grandma and grandpa's coffee table!
I made myself at home and baby proofed the living room and Much as I could for the time being.
Walking through the house that is soon to be my little family of three's home, I can see Sophia growing up in it. It soothes my soul knowing Sophia wont be missing out on the things I call "a normal childhood".
Living on a street where she can ride her bike or evn her escalade Barbie car(which I will start saving for now).
She can even sit in the middle of the road and draw with sidewalk chalk and not worry about tons of traffic!...which I did growing up.
She can get dirty, and do things that cause tons of bruises on her legs. We have a yard big enough for "her" dream playhouse. (Which is really my dream)
A cute little swingset with a slide and sand box.
Oh yea, and WE CAN FINALLY GET A KITTY!!!! :-)
I love the sounds of it all!
And I'm pumped to buy a grill and cook out on it every Summer night! Hello corn on the cob the tastey way!! :-)
Most of all I look forward to the rainy days where I can sit out on the back pourch on a little wooden swing and listen to the wonderful rain drops.
Happy, happy JOY!
THIS IS LIFE! & I love it!!!
Yet another crazy event in my life is college. I applied at JCC last Tuesday and got the phone call the next day saying I was accepted. I went in ,took a placement test and scheduled my night classes. IM DOING IT!
I told my beautiful little girl I wanted what's best for her. I want her to have the things I couldn't have as a kid. I want to find a job good enough for her. And I want lots more kids.
Andy wont be able to work all by himself for ever! And I acknowledge how hard he works for us two girls. I want to help, and play my part!
I did some planning, and dreaming. I figured it out.
Every time I think of going to college the first thing that pops up in my mind is criminal justice.
So therefore that's what I am going for. I timed it just right so that I graduate when Sophia enters kindergarden. Which means I will have the time to get a full time or even part time job.
Amen to this future God is bringing my way!
I have never known what I wanted to do with my life until this little girl came along.
I love you buggie<3

Clearifying

First off, I would like to say I have been terribly grumpy latley.
don't want to be around many people. And life just seems to be going down hill all over again.
I'm trying super hard not to be frustrated by it. But how can you not when it just gets worse!?
I feel like every one looks at me with disappointment .....strangers, family and even some friends.

I want to make it clear.
I had a baby, I chose to take responsibility and be a mother. A GOOD MOTHER as a matter of fact.
I'm 21 not 12.
I've been graduated for 4 years,  I'm not still in high school.
and I also graduated from cosmetology, which I chose not to continue with outside of school. (Doesn't mean I'm a failure) I never went into cosmetology hoping to find a career from it, but eventually once participating in the class the thought of being a full time cosmetogist crossed my mind a couple times. But in the end its not for me!

No I didn't go to college before having a family, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to get anywhere in life or not be able to provide for my daughter and the many more children I wish to have in the future.
I enjoy being a stay at home Mommy. I think its best for my daughter until she is old enough to go to pre-k. As long as my family and I are doing financially fine, then I don't see a point. Yea some extra money would be nice. But sacraficing pedicures, highlights, I-pads and other new technology is part of being a Mommy. And I rather see my daughter grow... sue me!

Yes I'm on WIC.
Even before I was on Wic I never thought of it as a welfare program.
It's not.
Its actually a good program I think every pregnant mother should be on.
It gives you and your baby the nutrition you need everyday.
Its a smart program and I have learned how to eat appropriately with it.
It forces you to buy veggies, fruits, milk, and bread.
You can't just go buy anything with it.
Its not only for "low class" people.  my entire family was on Wic growing up. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Wic also has a very good breastfeeding class. Birthing class. It has a program where you can meet with other mothers(married or not, teenagers or not) and talk about your pregnancies and ask questions. Its kind of like a support group. Your going through something new in your life. Whats better than knowing people who is going through a pregnancy at the same time you are!?
I wish I would have gone to a class IR 2 when I was pregnant!
Secoondly they are there for your baby and the babies health.

I'm sick of people staring at me when I'm at the mall, at wal-mart or even out to lunch.
I may look 15 but I'm NOT!
STOP JUDGING!
Surprise,Surprise!.. its not even the elderly who glare.
Its actually TODAYS society.

Times like this I wish I looked my age.... uhhhh!