Burden.

Burden much?

I am grateful for all the people who have excepted my daughter and I.

Its not her fault, its not Andy’s fault…. I take the blame 100%

Things could have been different.

Things should have been different.

Is this really what god wanted? For me to sin?

How can he make such a horrid sin, into such a blessing?

Why is my life coming together?…for the first time ever.

How is Andy so ok? So loving? So happy?

I can’t even explain to you how much he loves Sophia.

As his OWN!

How?

Why?

…..I wish she was his. Everyday I WISH. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like a burden. To him, and his family.

I know I’m really not…..its just my thoughts every now and then.

I know this isn’t what his parents dreamed for his future.

To have a soul mate who had a baby with another man.. to have their son father a child that is not his. What parent would ever dream of that?

But they love me, & I love them, just as if they were my real family. They take me as I am. They call Sophia their grandbaby. I.am.blessed….

Bringing a smile to his face!

Last weekend the three of us and grandma and grandpa Pullan were invited to a wedding in Niagara Falls. We “forced, bribed and asked" aunt Cora to tag a long for the trip! I was excited when the invitation came in the mail, since I had never been to Niagara falls, and the wedding was for a friend of Andy’s he hadn’t seen in years; A former band member of his in FF (Failing Friday) band.

The wedding was in a tall gorgeous old stone church, followed by a New York City tradition reception back at the hotel.

It was very neat, and creative…. Each person was assigned a table, each table numbered of course. At every table was a scrapbook of the people who were assigned at that specific table, along with old memories of the bride or groom with their family or friends.

Seeing the Failing Friday picture of my amazing hubs and the groom, along with all the other band members way back in their high school days, was awesome, yet hilarious. Seeing my Andrew trying to be all cool at the age of 15. HA! (just kiddin, he IS cool) was cute. I could also tell from the look on his face it meant a lot to him.

During the reception the DJ also was nice enough to play a Failing Friday song!  Failing Friday reunion for the boys! It meant a lot to me to share this event with my boyfriend. I love being there in times like these for him, it hardly ever happens where I get to be His SUPPORTER.  He’s always there 100% for Sophia and I; like during Sophia birth, supporting us with a home, a brand new car, and the best trip to Niagara Falls!

So, it felt nice to finally stand behind him at this wedding and see him smile, see the old memories of his childhood, and spend time with his long lost friends and be with his parents. AMEN!

I Love seeing a smiling manJ

I look forward to many more special moments with this man and my daughter! 

THANK YOU GOD<3

fun at the hotel

Ten things Sophia SHOULD know about her first year.

The ten things a baby should learn about their first year.

The first year being as precious as it is, they wont remember it.

I'm glad Sophia's memory will be on auto pilot while I had to change her diaper in the trunk of the Honda,multiple times. Or when I quickly pulled the laptop away from her reach at the same moment she went to grab it and fell face first into the corner of the laptop, ending with a bloody eyebrow and a black and blue eye, along with the couple times I strapped her into her car seat safe and sound but when I placed the car seat in the car forgot to buckle it.....OH BOY! 

But there are some things I hope, with reminder of course, she will remember and never forget. 

1.) You were and are Loved!..from the very beginning !

2.) You are the reason I figured out and made a plan for my life.

3.) That wasn't you who left all those puke stains on the couch....( minus all the beer stains left from uncle kyle)

4.)You were and never will be a burden.

    You were or weren't the reason I didn't get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. You might or might not have left stains around the house. I might not have had much time to myself in your first year. But not a single moment of it was a burden. From the start you were a blessing! Always will be a life changer from god<3

5.) You were more patient with mommy and daddy than you had to be.

     You always just sat back and smiled (sticking out your tongue kind of smile), tagged along, and let mommy dress you in anything and everything.  Being our first baby, we were learning and still are learning how to parent. We have done our best. We have failed at some things but we've gained from those failures. You will always be our little Buggie. 

6.)YOU WERE WANTED.

     I didn't have sex thinking" hey im going to do this so i have a baby". It just so happened that things went "wrong" , i guess you could say. And a couple weeks later I was peeing on 6 different pregnancy test, not believing a single one. But just cause you weren't planned(and i know other people will argue about me saying this"i had sex, but didnt PLAN on getting pregnant", cause before i got pregnant I was one of those people) it doesnt mean you weren't wanted. God has a plan for everyone, even if its not what you thought you wanted. Some how, its just meant to be.

7.)You were welcomed.

      You were welcomed by ME and DADDY! thats all that matters. A lot of people held a grudge toward mommy. Weather it was keeping you, or just being pregnant with you. I was the black sheep of my family. Some people were shady towards daddy too. For welcoming you into HIS life. But 'IN YOUR FACES" hes the best daddy in the WORLD! Because of him you have EVERYTHING! and MORE than I ever imagined you would have. He spoils you with love and cuddles! Just because hes not your real daddy, doesnt mean its wrong for him to parent you. Some day you will have his last name...and until that day, I will NOT being changing my last name either. Daddy welcomed you better than your biological father could and did. Your biological father just wasn't ready, he needed to grow up, & care for himself before he is capable of caring for a baby. And being with him is not a healthy situation. But, I AM sorry for choosing him. I just tell myself, If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be here today. 

8.) You weren't perfect (even thought you actually kind of were)

  I'm telling you straight up, you weren't a perfect baby. Only because you will not have a conceited ego.But between you and me, you WERE a perfect baby. You hardly ever cried. But when you did, It was quiet and short. You knew what you wanted and you were very content and independent. 

9.) Daddy's girl.

     I try and tell myself your a mommy's girl. Sometimes he even says you are. You and I just have a VERY special bond, a bond only mommy's and daughters feel from day one of being in our bellies. But lets face it. Daddy is your first LOVE. The light in your eyes when he walks through the room, melts my heart and it takes everything inside of me to not cry...EVERY TIME! Its amazing how much you two connect. No one will ever replace him. I hope and dream of someday ( 30 years from now) him walking you down the isle, giving his blessing to someone just as amazing as your daddy was, not that anyone could ever measure up; but you get the point. 

10.) YOU, are the inspiration in my life.

     Honestly, I KNOW I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for seeing the fluttering of your heart beat, or feeling those little kicks and nightly hic-ups you had inside of me...Remember baby girl, theres a reason for EVERYTHING! 

(picture taken by Lavalley Photography)

We Will Always Be a Family... Mommy & Daddy will Love you NO MATTER WHAT!

(picture taken by Little Owl Photography)

Addiction

Addiction..

My latest addiction is Pinterest!...UGHHH!

If you've never heard of it, or have the will power to never go to the site...then DONT DO IT!

I have spent hours on end on this web page....probably more than I have spent on facebook, believe it or not. 

Its cute, and the ideas are phenomenal.. But ADDICTION! OH EM GEE!

I have attempted some of the DIY projects on the site..a couple are a lost cause, and they really spike the creative side I've never had before.  But most of the time I feel as if some stuff posted on there is not as realistic as they make it seem...SOME stuff.

Here are some of the things I have successfully accomplished from pinterest.com.

As I try hard to slowly wean myself away from pinterest, I have came to find a new favorite webpage..not AS addicting and way MORE realistic; If thats the right word.

babble.com

AMAZING!

THE END

Just kidding..

babbles main purpose if for families. with kids.

its has more of the items you would have laying around your house to make an easier more convenient and affordable DIY.

It has lots of bloggers, which are rather inspiring to me. 

Check it out! They blog about almost every baby related topic you could imagine. They have recipes. And crafts. They have do's and dont's . I love it, and its SO helpful!& its geared more for moms! ...AMEN!

Reality?

Hello Reality...

So Im a picture-holic!...What mother isn't???

I honestly take 10-20 pictures of my daughter EACH DAY.

She is a very smiley baby, Don't get me wrong! She is a very good, content, happy,independent 8 month old. She does know what she wants when she wants it!. She has an attitude like non other. & she knows how to get everyones attention, work the camera and make everyone laugh and feel loved.

Thats my Sophia Lyn. 

Any way!

Most of my pictures are of her smiling from ear to ear, kissing someone or something, or being just so darn cute. 

Well Im doing a "Hello Reality" project I got from a previous blogger. Its a funny challenge for Madres with all ages of kids to do!

Take a cute picture of Sophia sitting in the bath tub for instance.

I have a cute picture of her in the tub playing with foam letters...so innocent and so cute..

But my REALITY picture is, 5 seconds after i took this picture Sophia crapped in the tub and it was a horrid mess!

Yikes, I DIDNT show that picture on my facebook!

Life with a baby is filled with fun and messes. Laughter and Cries.

Have some fun and take pictures of that bad moments also! 10 Years from now, you'll laugh at them too! 

After taking about 7 trips up and down a flight of stairs for nice clean warm water, sophia puked all in this pool, obviously after this picture.

This picture is posted on my Facebook. Sophia just got done eating 3 helpings of 2nd stage foods! Thats A LOT!...I and everyone who commented on this picture said something along the lines of "nap time"...Well it was the complete opposite. She didn't nap at all that day. She screamed for at least two hours and then threw up the food....Guess she ate to much! Note to self and everyone else out there...Don't give baby 3 helpings of food, even if they think they can do it!

This picture was taken at grandma and grandpas house. Sophia just learned how to crawl under things but hasn't learned how to get herself out. 
When I took this picture i thought she was having fun. I was clapping and squealing.. But Sophia didn't like it... I guess she was stuck, which resulted in her screaming bloody murder and not wanting to go near the chair again that night. I have a lot of pictures of my little girl in her x-er-saucer... BUT most of the time......She absolutely hates the thing! This is probably one of 12 shots I got of her this day in the x-er-saucer...But all the other 11 she is crying.

Yea this picture....was just taken today..So CUTE! well....she fell and smoked her face off the t.v. stand right after this because mommy thought matching pink socks would be cute with a baby who pulls herself up on things while having a hard wood floor.....She is now barefoot for the rest of this damp chilly day....

Crazy-ness

Clueing in on our life!
Life is a complicated wonderful thing. ......Bittersweet sums it up!
In the last week we moved 2 big truck loads from out apartment to the house on Houston ave. Still not 100% packed, and Andy's parents still have 80% to still pack at Houston to moved to Erie. Joy, the house is way crammed and totally not baby proof!
This morning the t.v. wasn't working and Mommy told Sophia we could go for a walk.  But DUH me! The stroller isn't here yet. What to do!???
Everything is packed!
Sophia loves all the commotion, and enjoys getting into everything.
Within 15 minutes this morning she was chewing on the end of scissors, dropped pliers on her foot, screamed bloody murder and kept trying to pull the plant and glass dishes off grandma and grandpa's coffee table!
I made myself at home and baby proofed the living room and Much as I could for the time being.
Walking through the house that is soon to be my little family of three's home, I can see Sophia growing up in it. It soothes my soul knowing Sophia wont be missing out on the things I call "a normal childhood".
Living on a street where she can ride her bike or evn her escalade Barbie car(which I will start saving for now).
She can even sit in the middle of the road and draw with sidewalk chalk and not worry about tons of traffic!...which I did growing up.
She can get dirty, and do things that cause tons of bruises on her legs. We have a yard big enough for "her" dream playhouse. (Which is really my dream)
A cute little swingset with a slide and sand box.
Oh yea, and WE CAN FINALLY GET A KITTY!!!! :-)
I love the sounds of it all!
And I'm pumped to buy a grill and cook out on it every Summer night! Hello corn on the cob the tastey way!! :-)
Most of all I look forward to the rainy days where I can sit out on the back pourch on a little wooden swing and listen to the wonderful rain drops.
Happy, happy JOY!
THIS IS LIFE! & I love it!!!
Yet another crazy event in my life is college. I applied at JCC last Tuesday and got the phone call the next day saying I was accepted. I went in ,took a placement test and scheduled my night classes. IM DOING IT!
I told my beautiful little girl I wanted what's best for her. I want her to have the things I couldn't have as a kid. I want to find a job good enough for her. And I want lots more kids.
Andy wont be able to work all by himself for ever! And I acknowledge how hard he works for us two girls. I want to help, and play my part!
I did some planning, and dreaming. I figured it out.
Every time I think of going to college the first thing that pops up in my mind is criminal justice.
So therefore that's what I am going for. I timed it just right so that I graduate when Sophia enters kindergarden. Which means I will have the time to get a full time or even part time job.
Amen to this future God is bringing my way!
I have never known what I wanted to do with my life until this little girl came along.
I love you buggie<3

Clearifying

First off, I would like to say I have been terribly grumpy latley.
don't want to be around many people. And life just seems to be going down hill all over again.
I'm trying super hard not to be frustrated by it. But how can you not when it just gets worse!?
I feel like every one looks at me with disappointment .....strangers, family and even some friends.

I want to make it clear.
I had a baby, I chose to take responsibility and be a mother. A GOOD MOTHER as a matter of fact.
I'm 21 not 12.
I've been graduated for 4 years,  I'm not still in high school.
and I also graduated from cosmetology, which I chose not to continue with outside of school. (Doesn't mean I'm a failure) I never went into cosmetology hoping to find a career from it, but eventually once participating in the class the thought of being a full time cosmetogist crossed my mind a couple times. But in the end its not for me!

No I didn't go to college before having a family, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to get anywhere in life or not be able to provide for my daughter and the many more children I wish to have in the future.
I enjoy being a stay at home Mommy. I think its best for my daughter until she is old enough to go to pre-k. As long as my family and I are doing financially fine, then I don't see a point. Yea some extra money would be nice. But sacraficing pedicures, highlights, I-pads and other new technology is part of being a Mommy. And I rather see my daughter grow... sue me!

Yes I'm on WIC.
Even before I was on Wic I never thought of it as a welfare program.
It's not.
Its actually a good program I think every pregnant mother should be on.
It gives you and your baby the nutrition you need everyday.
Its a smart program and I have learned how to eat appropriately with it.
It forces you to buy veggies, fruits, milk, and bread.
You can't just go buy anything with it.
Its not only for "low class" people.  my entire family was on Wic growing up. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Wic also has a very good breastfeeding class. Birthing class. It has a program where you can meet with other mothers(married or not, teenagers or not) and talk about your pregnancies and ask questions. Its kind of like a support group. Your going through something new in your life. Whats better than knowing people who is going through a pregnancy at the same time you are!?
I wish I would have gone to a class IR 2 when I was pregnant!
Secoondly they are there for your baby and the babies health.

I'm sick of people staring at me when I'm at the mall, at wal-mart or even out to lunch.
I may look 15 but I'm NOT!
STOP JUDGING!
Surprise,Surprise!.. its not even the elderly who glare.
Its actually TODAYS society.

Times like this I wish I looked my age.... uhhhh!