Once a sinner, always a sinner.

Ya know that saying "Once a cheater always a cheater"?....I'm a believer of that saying, only I don't believe that necessarily means the cheater will always continue to cheat! I just think the cheater will always be classified as a cheater.
Does that make sense?
Anyways, I think this is the same with " Once a sinner, always a sinner".
Everyone's a sinner, weather you mean to be or not. And no sin is greater than another.

Lying is the same sin as having sex before marriage or doing drugs. Get the point?

I understand my sin, all of them, no....most of them. But I live with a certain sin everyday! And that's having Sophia. No, shes not my sin. and no I don't look at her and think....... "your my sin and you remind me of it everyday!".... No not at all.
But I do think about how God wanted me to wait till marriage, he doesn't want me living in sin EVERYDAY with Andy.
And that's what I would like to clarify. We have a family. Out of sin. But we ARE trying to fix that!
That's why we are getting married. We go to church every Sunday, to a church I actually ENJOY! With people I am close to!
God doesn't only come into conversation on Sundays in our home. We are RAISING our daughter with the Lord. Like we promised on April 20th of 2012 to the church as we dedicated Sophia!

Us, sinners.....dedicated Sophia at a church.
Us, sinners want to get married at OUR church. I can already tell you, there are a lot of people at church who don't approve of me...why? Cause they know my sin! It's pretty obvious. And for that.....they don't approve of what Andy is doing....(fathering Sophia, being my fiance).
Those Debbie Downers, who use my sin against me....your sinners too.... but I don't use that against you! Just because I don't know your sin, because you don't make it obvious, like mine is.....Its still no lower than mine. God clarifies in the bible many, many times, that no sin is greater FOR A REASON!

So since I sinned, I need to be legally married at a court house of some sort before I can have a wedding ceremony at the place I worship every Sunday, The place I was good enough to dedicate my daughter at. The place I'm good enough to use my free time and  participate at Vacation Bible School, The Dust of the Rabbi and be on Nursery Duty. My sin isn't used against me when it comes to those things......But when it comes to marriage.?

Do people think I like to live in sin everyday? That I don't want to fix it?
I do want to fix it!..or else I wouldn't be getting married, I wouldn't be waiting to have sex till I'm married! I want another child SO bad. But I know the right thing to do is WAIT TILL MARRIAGE!...and that's exactly what I'm doing!. If doing it the right way wasn't really what I wanted to do, I'd be pregnant again already!..sorry, but not sorry for telling the truth.
I Understand how people can be against my sin, at the same time I don't blame them. But my sin isn't who I AM!
But why its being held against me...I can't fathom.
What happened with forgiveness?

Even thought there are Debbie Downers, at the same time, there are tons of people who don't judge me or Andy. They don't ask questions. They accept me and notice that we are TRYING to do the right thing. And its because of those people, and friends, why I go to church.

Those other people I Thank You for that! And I am Thankful for their friendship, and welcoming arms that some people don't exactly have, just because of my past.



My questions is.......Since everyone is a sinner from DAY ONE, does everyone have to get married in the court house before they have a ceremony at a church? Or is it for a certain sin? (such as mine)
And if so, when did sin's start being classified?????



And will my sin always be used against me?

I know it's not my place to answer any of these questions I have, and I'm sure I'm not the first one to ask these.... Only God has the answers I suppose<3

Shinning Bright

This past weekend I attended a worship seminar, I guess you could call it. It was my first one, and I was nervous and had every single wall up possible. I was out of my comfort zone completely!  I love god, I love all that he does and all that he doesn't. I am a believer and I am just starting to enjoy attending church.....but this seminar,, at first, freaked me out! I don't like meeting new people AT ALL! My family has always had the wrong feelings about god,church, and heaven, so some of these feelings and relationships with the lord are all brand new to me... Come to find out, at this seminar, I don't think I even met one new person! (phew) That's my kinda day, so half way through I started to loosen up. I was traveling through the vending area by MYSELF (if anyone knows me knows I HATE being alone) I even participated in the basket raffle and WON my very first basket! WOOOOHOOO!
 The music was so loud, intimidating, and meaningful in what has been happening in my life that all I wanted to do was DANCE! I actually wanted to put my hands up to god, worship him like all those people in church service do. I've never wanted to do this before and I used to think its embarrassing, but Saturday.... I wanted to be a part of it!
I left with like 60 plus pounds off my shoulders. A brand new woman...A mom I have always WANTED to be, just didn't know how. I pray everyday that Sophia grows up knowing  god, with a relationship with him. I pray she turns to him during the good time AND the bad times in life. I pray that the decisions she makes in life all revolve around him......Saturday, I found the answer to my prayer. Praying isn't going to be the ONLY way she builds this relationship with him, but it starts with ME. God needs to be apart of the family more, we need to have him there 24/7, not only when we need him. I need to focus on praising him and worshiping him myself, in order to teach my daughter. I want her to look up to me while growing up, and seeing that mommy trusts, loves and workshops our father and so can she!
I also want her to be everything I wasn't...
There's no reason  for me not to like meeting new people. I want her to be social! Be that outgoing person people look up to. An independent woman, who can enjoy having time to herself and doing things by herself  unlike her mother. I strive for this!
But most of all, I pray EVERY DAY! that Sophia finds a soul mate, a soul mate who is as precious, loving, understanding, handsome, kind, FORGIVING, trusting, christian, devoted and as amazing as her father<3
...but this all starts with me.
Me, being the person to teach her these things, to guide her in life, and to show her whats out there. Me- being the person to allow her to know what she deserves!

I am her influence, and from now on I will be her influence with god on my shoulder.....and.she.will.understand.this.

I.am.being.the.best.I.can.be.

I'm doing it all for you.
You are my motivation.
You are my everything.

You are my addiction.
You make me strong.


Baby fever!
I am currently ready Mommywood, by Tori Spelling. Which I highly recommend....(when you bored)
But it makes me want another baby.
I want to be pregnant again! I loved being pregnant! I want to be pregnant 5 more times.....or maybe even more! I would even be a surrogant!  It was the most magical feeling ever, to have a little human in your tummy, kicking and wiggling around.. I especially miss the hic-ups!

If you would have asked me 3 years ago if I ever pictured myself wanting to be pregnant at 22 years of age to my SECOND child, I would have said something along the lines of are you "F bombing nuts"!....... But that was then....this is now. I want my second child. SO BAD!
But I'm waiting the have the Pullan's last name. I am 150% sure I WILL spend the rest of my life with this man I call my best friend. We've only been through practically everything together! No matter what happens, I still strive for him, I need him, I am addicted to him as if he is my drug. I never ever was a woman who ever needed a man..I hated man..they were all the same......But I am that woman now, who loves a man, who forgives a man, who needs a man....... I.am.in.love with ONE man...Andrew Pullan
God sent you into my life for one reason.....and that was for me to learn how to love.
without you I am nothing.

Why I didn't wait until I was married to you, only god knows. I wish temptation, and justice was non-existent.  
Those USED to be my weaknesses. I will do it right this time. God is showing me how. He still loves me, that's all that matters. You still love me, you are SO forgiving. She loves me forever & ever<3
If it wasn't for this littler girl, we wouldn't be in this life together, we wouldn't be able to handle everything we have been through. We wouldn't stand where we stand today, the Three of US.

You and her are what I live for<3


Thank.You.For.Everything.

Burden.

Burden much?

I am grateful for all the people who have excepted my daughter and I.

Its not her fault, its not Andy’s fault…. I take the blame 100%

Things could have been different.

Things should have been different.

Is this really what god wanted? For me to sin?

How can he make such a horrid sin, into such a blessing?

Why is my life coming together?…for the first time ever.

How is Andy so ok? So loving? So happy?

I can’t even explain to you how much he loves Sophia.

As his OWN!

How?

Why?

…..I wish she was his. Everyday I WISH. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like a burden. To him, and his family.

I know I’m really not…..its just my thoughts every now and then.

I know this isn’t what his parents dreamed for his future.

To have a soul mate who had a baby with another man.. to have their son father a child that is not his. What parent would ever dream of that?

But they love me, & I love them, just as if they were my real family. They take me as I am. They call Sophia their grandbaby. I.am.blessed….

Bringing a smile to his face!

Last weekend the three of us and grandma and grandpa Pullan were invited to a wedding in Niagara Falls. We “forced, bribed and asked" aunt Cora to tag a long for the trip! I was excited when the invitation came in the mail, since I had never been to Niagara falls, and the wedding was for a friend of Andy’s he hadn’t seen in years; A former band member of his in FF (Failing Friday) band.

The wedding was in a tall gorgeous old stone church, followed by a New York City tradition reception back at the hotel.

It was very neat, and creative…. Each person was assigned a table, each table numbered of course. At every table was a scrapbook of the people who were assigned at that specific table, along with old memories of the bride or groom with their family or friends.

Seeing the Failing Friday picture of my amazing hubs and the groom, along with all the other band members way back in their high school days, was awesome, yet hilarious. Seeing my Andrew trying to be all cool at the age of 15. HA! (just kiddin, he IS cool) was cute. I could also tell from the look on his face it meant a lot to him.

During the reception the DJ also was nice enough to play a Failing Friday song!  Failing Friday reunion for the boys! It meant a lot to me to share this event with my boyfriend. I love being there in times like these for him, it hardly ever happens where I get to be His SUPPORTER.  He’s always there 100% for Sophia and I; like during Sophia birth, supporting us with a home, a brand new car, and the best trip to Niagara Falls!

So, it felt nice to finally stand behind him at this wedding and see him smile, see the old memories of his childhood, and spend time with his long lost friends and be with his parents. AMEN!

I Love seeing a smiling manJ

I look forward to many more special moments with this man and my daughter! 

THANK YOU GOD<3

fun at the hotel

Ten things Sophia SHOULD know about her first year.

The ten things a baby should learn about their first year.

The first year being as precious as it is, they wont remember it.

I'm glad Sophia's memory will be on auto pilot while I had to change her diaper in the trunk of the Honda,multiple times. Or when I quickly pulled the laptop away from her reach at the same moment she went to grab it and fell face first into the corner of the laptop, ending with a bloody eyebrow and a black and blue eye, along with the couple times I strapped her into her car seat safe and sound but when I placed the car seat in the car forgot to buckle it.....OH BOY! 

But there are some things I hope, with reminder of course, she will remember and never forget. 

1.) You were and are Loved!..from the very beginning !

2.) You are the reason I figured out and made a plan for my life.

3.) That wasn't you who left all those puke stains on the couch....( minus all the beer stains left from uncle kyle)

4.)You were and never will be a burden.

    You were or weren't the reason I didn't get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. You might or might not have left stains around the house. I might not have had much time to myself in your first year. But not a single moment of it was a burden. From the start you were a blessing! Always will be a life changer from god<3

5.) You were more patient with mommy and daddy than you had to be.

     You always just sat back and smiled (sticking out your tongue kind of smile), tagged along, and let mommy dress you in anything and everything.  Being our first baby, we were learning and still are learning how to parent. We have done our best. We have failed at some things but we've gained from those failures. You will always be our little Buggie. 

6.)YOU WERE WANTED.

     I didn't have sex thinking" hey im going to do this so i have a baby". It just so happened that things went "wrong" , i guess you could say. And a couple weeks later I was peeing on 6 different pregnancy test, not believing a single one. But just cause you weren't planned(and i know other people will argue about me saying this"i had sex, but didnt PLAN on getting pregnant", cause before i got pregnant I was one of those people) it doesnt mean you weren't wanted. God has a plan for everyone, even if its not what you thought you wanted. Some how, its just meant to be.

7.)You were welcomed.

      You were welcomed by ME and DADDY! thats all that matters. A lot of people held a grudge toward mommy. Weather it was keeping you, or just being pregnant with you. I was the black sheep of my family. Some people were shady towards daddy too. For welcoming you into HIS life. But 'IN YOUR FACES" hes the best daddy in the WORLD! Because of him you have EVERYTHING! and MORE than I ever imagined you would have. He spoils you with love and cuddles! Just because hes not your real daddy, doesnt mean its wrong for him to parent you. Some day you will have his last name...and until that day, I will NOT being changing my last name either. Daddy welcomed you better than your biological father could and did. Your biological father just wasn't ready, he needed to grow up, & care for himself before he is capable of caring for a baby. And being with him is not a healthy situation. But, I AM sorry for choosing him. I just tell myself, If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be here today. 

8.) You weren't perfect (even thought you actually kind of were)

  I'm telling you straight up, you weren't a perfect baby. Only because you will not have a conceited ego.But between you and me, you WERE a perfect baby. You hardly ever cried. But when you did, It was quiet and short. You knew what you wanted and you were very content and independent. 

9.) Daddy's girl.

     I try and tell myself your a mommy's girl. Sometimes he even says you are. You and I just have a VERY special bond, a bond only mommy's and daughters feel from day one of being in our bellies. But lets face it. Daddy is your first LOVE. The light in your eyes when he walks through the room, melts my heart and it takes everything inside of me to not cry...EVERY TIME! Its amazing how much you two connect. No one will ever replace him. I hope and dream of someday ( 30 years from now) him walking you down the isle, giving his blessing to someone just as amazing as your daddy was, not that anyone could ever measure up; but you get the point. 

10.) YOU, are the inspiration in my life.

     Honestly, I KNOW I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for seeing the fluttering of your heart beat, or feeling those little kicks and nightly hic-ups you had inside of me...Remember baby girl, theres a reason for EVERYTHING! 

(picture taken by Lavalley Photography)

We Will Always Be a Family... Mommy & Daddy will Love you NO MATTER WHAT!

(picture taken by Little Owl Photography)

Addiction

Addiction..

My latest addiction is Pinterest!...UGHHH!

If you've never heard of it, or have the will power to never go to the site...then DONT DO IT!

I have spent hours on end on this web page....probably more than I have spent on facebook, believe it or not. 

Its cute, and the ideas are phenomenal.. But ADDICTION! OH EM GEE!

I have attempted some of the DIY projects on the site..a couple are a lost cause, and they really spike the creative side I've never had before.  But most of the time I feel as if some stuff posted on there is not as realistic as they make it seem...SOME stuff.

Here are some of the things I have successfully accomplished from pinterest.com.

As I try hard to slowly wean myself away from pinterest, I have came to find a new favorite webpage..not AS addicting and way MORE realistic; If thats the right word.

babble.com

AMAZING!

THE END

Just kidding..

babbles main purpose if for families. with kids.

its has more of the items you would have laying around your house to make an easier more convenient and affordable DIY.

It has lots of bloggers, which are rather inspiring to me. 

Check it out! They blog about almost every baby related topic you could imagine. They have recipes. And crafts. They have do's and dont's . I love it, and its SO helpful!& its geared more for moms! ...AMEN!