Growing to fast!

My little 7lb 13ounce baby is now 13.2 lbs!!! Not SOOO little anymore... but still little:)
Friday the 20th, Sophia laughed super Loud for the first time. She usually just coo's and giggles and talks to toys in her own baby language. But this time it was a full out laugh!... aunt tabby was there to witness it!
Last night Andrew and I spent about 3-4 hours at the hospital with her. She hadn't ate more than 6 ounces in the last 24 hours and was refusing any formula or pedialite. I got worried. There was a major lack of wet diapers the last 2 days but she thankfully stayed hydrated! Amen.
I have never been to WCA myself. And would rather go anywhere but WCA, but the doctor at the 5 star urgent care center informed me soph would just be getting blood work done, there's nothing to worry about.so I gave in and went.
We left with a tired baby, nothing but a bronchitis sheet for me to read.. but she had x-rays done that confirmed she didn't even have bronchitis...? And not one nurse doctor or person even looked into her not eating habit! ....... !!! AND to remind you,  the reason why we were sent there by the doctor from urgent care was because they don't do blood work there and sent us to the ER for it! Which we ended up leaving with out anyone doing blood work or even talking to us about blood work... I take it, the 8 different nurses that didn't even know what was Going on around them forgot the reason we were there..? Maybe they were to caught up with their homework they ALL had to do, since I didn't met a single one out of school yet!
I was so annoyed! Can't wait for that hospital bill in he mail!.... USELESS!
....I've made up my mind, I'm getting a pediatrician!

Can we think convenience here...?

So every mother or father comes across the momment when restaurants, stores, hospitals, or schools don't have changing tables....

What are you suppose to do!!!!!????
How would you like to sit it your over full diaper people!!!!!!!

Sunday Andy and I are shopping for a new pair of sneakers for him at Olympia Sports.. Sophia went # 2 so bad I'm pretty sure the employees could smell her.so we had to explain to them we would have to leave since they don't have a bathroom.. mind you, andy has like 5 different pairs of shoes out waiting to try on. He asks the lady not to put them away , we'll be right back.
Well I thought going to a different store would be a good idea, but TJmax failed me.. so then Tim Horton's....but no changig table!! oh how convenient!!
so good ol kfc/taco bell to the rescue!
3rd times a charm eh?

I believe EVERY PUBLIC BUILDING needs a changing table in the bathroom!  It should be law!!

Another thing I've noticed is the dang car seat...some fit in shopping carts, others don't. at one reasturant it fits on the booster seats,  other reasturants it doesn't!
And when your 5 foot even like me!!! You can't see over your baby or the car seat when its in the shopping cart! I have almost ran over soooo many people at Wegmans I get dirty looks. And just the other day I was walking down the isle and boom!! Knocked  down two displays full of wind chimes!!!.... the loudest item in the store!
That time I got laughed at, no dirty looks.. it was quite funny though.

Can't they make car seats safe and CONVENIENT!!??

AND last but not least, it would be SO much easier if this world made ALL car seats with a universal base. Every base should be the same!!... but nooooo, that's how they make money.

If only everyone had "convienence" on their mind...

( I do have to give Wegmans two thumbs up for being the most convenient store I've found so far.. supplying mothers and elderly with wipes and diapers next to the baby changing station...and for FREE.) Lets just hope people don't take advantage of the stores thoughfullness and ruin it for the ones who really appreciate it.

Yay for free diapers! And lets think convenience everyone!!! :-)

First day having a baby in the house!

So today I say " it's the first day an actual baby was in the house" because Sophia has never been much of a cry-er unless she was
A.) pooping
Or
B.) Hungry....(which she's on a 4 hour feeding schedule and barley ever cries unless I let her sleep past her 4 hour feeding time.)

But today, today she cried.... and she cried!

Thursday I took her to the doctors cause she was literally pooping 8-9 times a day between the hours of 9am-6 pm...everyday for almost a week.........not normal AT ALL! Well doc says Sophia's just growing, so her pooping habits will change( which I think is a bunch of bull) but in the end I am the one who ends up leaving with a script for an antibiotic. Thank God, cause 2 days later I was miserable with a sore throat, runny nose, plugged ears and no appitite.

So the day that I start feeling better soph starts getting a really wet cough.. which freaks me out cause online "Google" :-) says to take her to the emergency room. (I didn't) but It took everything in me to not drive her in my illegal car to the hospital. So Monday she went to the doctors AGAIN and turns out she has a ear infection ( thank you mommy). So the doctor prescribes her amoxicilion, which I tell the doc my mother and her father both are deathly allergic to anything with penicilion in it. Like stop breathing, drop on the floor almost dead kind of allergic... but the wonderful doctor that she is tells me the chances of Sophia being allergic is slim and usually can't even be carried over... and that I shouldn't be worried..
So I go home give Sophia her first dose of amoxiciline and about 20 minutes later she's screaming
And wiggling like crazy!!! Her whole body is covered in a rash and she's on fire and for about an hour I couldn't get her to settle down.
Im home alone, freaking out. But happy cause she's still breathing at least... but yes, I'm cussing at the doctor in my head. Finally I put a fan on soph with a pacifier( which she hadn't had in over 48 hours cause we were breaking her pacifier habit) and she slowlllllyyyyyyyyy calms down.
So today, her ear infection must be hurting,  cause even in her sleep she was crying!!!!
seemed like every ten minutes she was waking up crying!
Once she fell a sleep for about 30 minutes I had the bright idea to make cupcakes!!!!!
As soon as I started mixing the batter together and the oven on ,she starts screaming. I'm not a multi tasker but I tried to make cup cakes and try to get her to stop crying and not be too loud cause Andy's napping.
Lets just say frosting, sprinkles, cake batter and cooking spray cover one half of the kitchen for about 2 hours. After her screaming every time I put her down and only 8 cupcakes later 
I quit making them and just poured the rest of the batter into a cake pan... took the easy way out:-).
Finally after all that's over, and its close to 8 pm... I start making dinner and she's screaming... I open the chicken I planned on cooking and it's frickin spoiled! SCREW SALMONELLA!!!
so now I'm in the worst mood I've been in since like August ( last time I seen the baby daddy) !
Lets just say I lost all my patients today... for the first time!! I even thought about throwing eggs that were right in front of me,at the wall!!
Instead I burst into tears about a half a dozen times tonight.

This Mommy has anger problems!!!
How do you guys do it!!
I was always so grateful for how calm Sophia was.....this is why god gave me such a happy baby.

Finally I can say with a grin on my face, Sophia finally has stoped crying and is sound a sleep next to me,  looking more adorable than ever:-)
And she's even in big girl PJ's ( PJ's with out Footy things)

I pray tomorrow is a much better day! And I hope she continues to start her day off with a smile, like she did this morning. My goal is to make it a morning habit!! Cause I'm grumpy pants when I wake up. She doesnt ALWAYS have to be like mommy.

<3

Improvement, on MY end!!

Since my last blog it seems like life has gotten a lot easier! I was super depressed and guilty about Sophia's birth father..... lets just say, I no longer see him in her. (Improvement) and I no longer look at her and ask myself is that his face or mine looking at me... its just me :-) 100% my child.
I knew from the start that Andrew planned on being around her forever.
And as Sophia grows Andys and her relationship is a MILLION times better than the relationship I ever had with my daddy. Which I'm so greatful that she recieves the love that she recieves from him!
SOPHIA LYN PULLAN?.... someday:-)
( that excites me more than Krystle lyn Pullan)
I can't wait to marry her daddy<3
The smile he brings to my daughters face ever time she sees him is ALMOST as good as the first time I laid eyes on my beautiful baby girl.
I can finally say I'M HAPPY! !!!!
But anyways, about my "improvement"
I'm over the fact(finally) that Sophia's not by blood, Andy's. It helps that his family is so accepting.
I started to get out more..... walks, joined the gym, tanning, and hanging out with friends and church.
I was most excited about church, I wanted so badly for Sophia to grow up in a church. I wanted her to have the same faith in God as her daddy does.
My first day going to church I thought would be peachy and relaxing. For once I wasn't scared of what people thought when the looked at me. I don't know why but I had this image in my head " church is the one place were people can't judge" " no one can hurt me at church"...
Well I was completley wrong.!!!!!
It was probably one of the worst times my insecurities actually became reality.
(It's really not that bad) I still today could cry about it though. I guess I was and still am just shocked about how blunt people can really be.
Didn't their parents teach them how to handle things appropriately!? There's a time and a place!!!
But anyways, the pew behind me was a Guy and his maybe wife or girlfriend.... I don't know... but a girl, could have been his mother.
But they were sitting behind me and Andy's dad (grandpa Pullan, to Sophia) .... the man was awe'ing at Sophia the whole hour. Well at the end of the service people are getting ready to leave and there's plenty of people introducing themselves to me and Sophia and being welcoming and NICE! Out of no where this man(man behind me) came up to me and out loud says " hi" HES NOT THE FATHER,IS HE!??" and points to Andy....mind you he doesn't introduce himself or even ask my name, to this day I have no clue who this man is.... now to anyone else your probably thinking oh my gosh krystle your a BABY! But honestly, I paused and almost started crying right there! In front of everyone!!!... it hurt! I mean I prepared myself for this ( at least tried)  and I knew some people knew  and some didn't.... and I also knew I would have to explain it.which I'm OK with!.... but I never thought someone was gunna be so blunt about it!. Like, in front of others? Really... to me he could of handled it in SO many other ways! Nicer ways! More appropriate ways!
That night I broke down crying to Andy... I finally started to be comfortable with going out and people seeing me and then this happens! I swore to him I was never going back into that church again!.....
Andy respected that.
Next Sunday comes around and Andy doesn't say a word..and his Parents didn't even ask if I was going or not( I think they knew what happened)..but I woke up, got myself and Sophia ready and we went back to church!
I'm glad and I smile at the fact that I did. I'm proud of myself for finally "improving"! And I know that's probably not going to be the last or  most difficult situation I'm going to be put in with a baby and dating a Guy who isn't the father...... wait until the day I run into the birth father some where!!!.... Oh my gosh!!!" I'm scared Sh*t less!!!!!
But that's all of my improvement for now!
Hopefully more to follow!

Hoping for the best!

I know i am not the only girl out there who's childs daddy is not their own flesh and blood.
In sophia's circumstances, it's for the better.

In my circumstances it's for the better.

All my life I've had very strong oppinions on fathers... On men in general.

I always idolized my friends relationship with their fathers.
Or if their fathers weren't in their life I thought " well at least you don't have to go threw reaccuring dissapointment"
I always knew my dads relationship and mine wasn't normal..or even good.
I dwelled over it to much.
I let it bring me down.
I set myself up for failure, myself.. Not him.
I set myself up for dissapointment.

I tried so much to change him, for his own good. I prayed for something, someone to make him open his eyes. I just wanted an effort!
As A child I grew up going to church every Sunday(on & off). My dad had his stages, for a little over a year he would be all for church and the holy father! Then he would relapse and we wouldn't step foot in a church for months.
The next time my dad wanted forgivness he would find another church, a different church than the last... We never went back to the same church. I guess he felt guilty... Or embarressed..? I don't know, he never talked to us.
Eventually I started rolling my eyes at the thought of going to church, meeting new people, knowing that soon we wouldn't ever go back to this church or ever see these people again. I started to put up a wall. I hated making friends. And I guess you could say eventually I was embarressed to!
Church no longer was fun for me..


Sophia's dad is so simular to my dad, it makes me sick! (actually he's kinda worse)
Dissapointed myself now.

You can say I'm keeping her from dissapointment. I'm keeping her from drugs, alcohol and abuse. Which i'm proud of.
He's the kind of person that comes and goes as he pleases, I won't have that in my daughters life.
Even if him and I were on speaking terms, I would never! Ever! Let her be alone... Away from me... With him. Over my dead body!

Sue me, I want what's best for my baby.
People can think I'm low for not allowing him to be in her life.
Well, he did it to himself.
He never wanted anything to do with her till now, ya see; it's convienent for him.
He has not put a single penny into this child. I don't want him to, It doesn't bother me.
What bothers me is all my life I cried over my situation with my dad. And in a way sophia's situation is worse tan mine.. I never would have imagined this.
I don't want her to think she can change her dad, honestly I hope she doesn't even bother with him once she gets older.
I hope she knows how amazing Andy is. And HE is her daddy.
The daddy that loved her and took care of her like a daddy should.
He will never dissapoint my baby girl. He will never choose drugs, alcohol, money or people over her.
I fully believe he will put her before anyone else....... And that's a DADDY.

I hope she has the kind of friends that I have..friends that can tell her.
"You don't need your biological father to have a dad. "In most situations it's probably for the better!

I hope in the future she accepts the decicions I have made. I pray she realizes she's better off without him. I cross my fingers,arms, legs, toes and eyes that she never gets Hurt from this. And that daddy(Andy) will always be there<3


-thank you Amber E for unknowingly helping me and making me think:-)..<3

A guilty mind

Before Sophia was born everyday and almost every hour I sat alone,depressed, eager, and ashamed.
I was having a baby out of wedlock..
I became the black sheep of my grandmothers perfect little family.
Everybody knew about it, I didn't feel like keeping it a secret was appropiate.. And in the end ,yes, it was very possible! But! Telling everyone in my family about it I guess made my grandmother angry.... She,who picked out every little flaw in her sisters, brothers. And brother-in-laws life and family they now had the chance to dish it right back to her.. Thanks to me. I didn't live up to her "family expectations"

Her perfect glass house was now getting rocks thrown at it...big rocks!

Now in her eyes, I'm a slut, tramp, and a dumb bimbo. I have no morals.

At 3 or 4 months pregnant I had names picked out for my future baby.
Of course if it was a boy, everyone knew I would be namimg him after my night and shinning armor....grandpa Tom.<3
Bentley Thomas was the name I had chossen and Sophia Lyn or Lilian Grace for the girl. When I told my grandmother this over the phone, thinking she would be happy for Bentleys middle name... Her reply was
"I think you should name it moral, because you don't have any"

Wow huge slap in the face.... I didn't speak to her for months. I couldn't stand being around her, when other family members were around she was so fake! So "happy". But when it was just me and her she called me a slut right to my face. ( I dont know what's worse, behind my back or right to my face?)
In front of my little sister she told me she's not suprised I'm not in my neighbors bed( since his wife just recently left him, mind you he's like 50)!!

She made me feel even worse about myself. Made me feel like complete nothing! I was everyones disappointment..and for some reason she loved rubbing that in my face.

Why she acted as if I was proud of I what did?...
I couldn't change the situation. I couldn't take back what I had done.
I felt low enough about it, with out her input.

Now that Sophias here my grandma thinks the world of her. She calls me everyday to tell me how proud he is of me. How much she loves Sophia. I don't know how to react to it. It actually bugs me. I'm still hurt and angry toward her and the situation. But at the same time, I wouldn't want it any other way...I love my baby girl, she's the best eye opener ever! And best of all, she's all mine:-)

I learned to make something of a difficult situation. I took on a huge responsibility. In the begginig I choose to, by having sex. No I didn't purposly get pregnant like I've heard family members say. And one even said I was faking the pregnancy just so the family would be welcoming toward the baby daddy.... Nah!!!! Wrong! At the time in my life I did what I wanted, and didn't care what people though about it.... Obviously.
The more someone told me to leave the baby daddy alone and that I couldn't see him the more I was with him.the further they pushed me away. Even if I knew they were right about him, spiteful me wanted to prove a point. I didn't need mommy anymore, I didn't need to be told what to do. I lived on my own and I could handle myself, so I thought.

but still till this day, I feel disgusted in myself.. Other people don't let me forget the one life changing mistake I made....

Nobody is perfect.

And I can proudly say, I won't be making the mistake a second time.

I've let go of my past, you should to.
I won't be letting anyone continue to bring me down about it.

Yes Sophia doesn't have her biological father around, it's better this way...trust me.
Andrew gives her just as much love as a father could.
I pray she grows up knowing how lucky we are to have him And how lucky we are that I was finally able to get away from the baby daddy.. And move onto this wonderful life<3

Update/Welcoming A New Life<3

Stealing the neighbors internet didn't last long... Still waiting to get our own service:-) quick update since my last blog...
- December 10th started my first set of contractions that I actually felt
- December 13th my birthday(where I prayed an prayed Sophia would come) plus I officially turned legal...the big two oh! :-)
-Christmas
-An awesome/ drama free New Years party
- Janurany 13th, I was induced at Brooks Memorial Hospital ;Sophias Birthday!!
-Janurary 14th my original due date

My baby girl came at 8:12 p.m. Weighig in at 7 lbs 13 ounces and 20" long... Bright blonde hair with bright red side burns and blue eyes.<3
Welcome to the world, Sophia Lyn Dickerson...The most perfect thing in my life.
Wonderful Andrew was present the whole time (besides the taco bell, burger king and mcdonalds run) and he even cut the cord!:-)
I am one VERY lucky girl! I let god know every day how thankful I am for this amazing boyfriend.
Him and Sophia are truley bestfriends, she's a daddys girl (as in Andrew) and he loves her soooo much, spoils her everyday! And i secretly think he likes her better then me!...but I'm ok with that;-)
Sophia has learned to smile, currently learnig how to laugh.. She's one super happy baby! And I take pictures everyday!
At a month in a half she has her first tooth coming in (poor bebe)!
She's learned to roll on her own but hadn't done it much in the past week. She loves to be on her tummy! She's in LOVE with swings,lights and mobiles! Which works out great cause her swing has all three built Into it:-)
Oddly enough the little goober loves being in her carseat.. She's a sleep in it before we even get into the car!
I recently took her shopping in Ohio to see cousin we- we (David) and his fiancé, Holly. It was so fun, and actually relaxing. And Sophia and I were able to find a huge sale happening at jc penny, which ended in 4 more outfits added to sophs wardrobe<3

Sophia loves books an story time. She loves baths, at first she screamed..but prolly cause mommy didn't have to water hot enough.
She loves to be in her Jenny jumper even though she's not age appropriate and way to little, we stuff a blanket in the front and she loves jumping and kicking her feet on the floor:-)
She also loves her bumbo, which is odd cause she's way to young for this also. But she keeps her head up and she loves the chanllege of siting up. She tries to be such a big girl<3

I call her "buggie"<3 probably will be her Nick-name forever!

Sophia has two bestfriends, a blue seahorse that lights up ( she loves lights) and it plays music...... Which is also a big part of her life.
And her second bestfriend is a blue/grey eeyore.
Saturday grandma Pullan bought her and cousin Sofie matching purple "TY" bunnies.
The whole family went on a mini road trip to grove city to a Easter village. With lots of decorations and colorful lights. Cousin Sofie was more alert and enjoyed it more than Soph. Sophia's still a little young.... Maybe next month!