I was living on my own, in Jamestown. Not living a wonderful life.
I was working 2 job, and going crazy.
I peed on 6 pregnancy tests that all read positive, I got dirty, dirty looks from the nurse at my doctors office(who was my grandmothers friend) all because I was pregnant. I was turning 21 in December..Like get over it lady. I understand my age doesn't define weather my pregnancy was right or not...But there's worse things out there. In July I found out the baby has a "vulva" the doctor called it, which minutes later I read " It's a Girl" across my sonogram picture! (cause who knew what a frickin VULVA was!? oh yeah, everyone but me!)
I got a second apartment with Andy in October and it was absolutely perfect!( Don't remind me)
I had Sophia on January 13th and Andy stood by my side the ENTIRE time. From day one everyone knew Sophia would soon be a "Pullan". She came out with Blonde Hair blue eyes....Wait What!? I pictured her the ENTIRE pregnancy with brown, CURLY, CURLY hair and big brown eyes!.....and lots o hair!
But lets face it, she was bald....an looked just like her dad. It made me cry at times, she looked nothing like a Dickerson, nothing like me. Not even her smile, her fingers or her toes, she even has a birthmark like her sperm donor....and I cried.
Every day I pondered "what if she turns out like him"?
"Her personality is going to be just like "his"!
"What if she has a temper?"
"What if its just runs in the family for her to be addicted to drugs?"
"What if she hates me"
"What if she hates Andy"
"What if she would rather be with him"
Things like this crossed my mind..every day, and it SUCKED!
But let me tell you, I've prayed since before I had her that she would be like me, that she would have my personality, have my eyes, my smile, my walk, my voice, my everything, and even though once and a while I see parts of me in her and parts of her biological dad in her...Shes completely her own person. Sophia is crazy,cute,smart,hyper,calm,photogenic,playful, independent, loving, and the MOST caring toddler I have ever met...And quite frankly I really can't take credit for it! She teaches herself, she watches EVERYONE. She picks up on absolutely everything! Everyday she has accomplished something new. Already, at the age of 2 she has mother instincts like non other! I can't even say I was as good of a mother that she is to her baby dolls! (minus dropping them on the floor when shes ready to move on to a different toy, but you get the point) She LOVES shopping!...She constantly asks to go to the mall, not even to buy anything, but just to walk around. She loves playing outside, and shes stubborn as heck at times..but she easily gives in and listens to her parents, she obeys SO extremely well.....like how!?...and why!? I am SO thankful.
All in all, she is nothing like him
I no longer thrive to make her like me, I no longer care, just simply because Sophia will be who she is based on how she is raised not by who here sperm donor is, and that I can't be more thankful for! I have no one to thank besides the Lord..
