Since my last blog it seems like life has gotten a lot easier! I was super depressed and guilty about Sophia's birth father..... lets just say, I no longer see him in her. (Improvement) and I no longer look at her and ask myself is that his face or mine looking at me... its just me :-) 100% my child.
I knew from the start that Andrew planned on being around her forever.
And as Sophia grows Andys and her relationship is a MILLION times better than the relationship I ever had with my daddy. Which I'm so greatful that she recieves the love that she recieves from him!
SOPHIA LYN PULLAN?.... someday:-)
( that excites me more than Krystle lyn Pullan)
I can't wait to marry her daddy<3
The smile he brings to my daughters face ever time she sees him is ALMOST as good as the first time I laid eyes on my beautiful baby girl.
I can finally say I'M HAPPY! !!!!
But anyways, about my "improvement"
I'm over the fact(finally) that Sophia's not by blood, Andy's. It helps that his family is so accepting.
I started to get out more..... walks, joined the gym, tanning, and hanging out with friends and church.
I was most excited about church, I wanted so badly for Sophia to grow up in a church. I wanted her to have the same faith in God as her daddy does.
My first day going to church I thought would be peachy and relaxing. For once I wasn't scared of what people thought when the looked at me. I don't know why but I had this image in my head " church is the one place were people can't judge" " no one can hurt me at church"...
Well I was completley wrong.!!!!!
It was probably one of the worst times my insecurities actually became reality.
(It's really not that bad) I still today could cry about it though. I guess I was and still am just shocked about how blunt people can really be.
Didn't their parents teach them how to handle things appropriately!? There's a time and a place!!!
But anyways, the pew behind me was a Guy and his maybe wife or girlfriend.... I don't know... but a girl, could have been his mother.
But they were sitting behind me and Andy's dad (grandpa Pullan, to Sophia) .... the man was awe'ing at Sophia the whole hour. Well at the end of the service people are getting ready to leave and there's plenty of people introducing themselves to me and Sophia and being welcoming and NICE! Out of no where this man(man behind me) came up to me and out loud says " hi" HES NOT THE FATHER,IS HE!??" and points to Andy....mind you he doesn't introduce himself or even ask my name, to this day I have no clue who this man is.... now to anyone else your probably thinking oh my gosh krystle your a BABY! But honestly, I paused and almost started crying right there! In front of everyone!!!... it hurt! I mean I prepared myself for this ( at least tried) and I knew some people knew and some didn't.... and I also knew I would have to explain it.which I'm OK with!.... but I never thought someone was gunna be so blunt about it!. Like, in front of others? Really... to me he could of handled it in SO many other ways! Nicer ways! More appropriate ways!
That night I broke down crying to Andy... I finally started to be comfortable with going out and people seeing me and then this happens! I swore to him I was never going back into that church again!.....
Andy respected that.
Next Sunday comes around and Andy doesn't say a word..and his Parents didn't even ask if I was going or not( I think they knew what happened)..but I woke up, got myself and Sophia ready and we went back to church!
I'm glad and I smile at the fact that I did. I'm proud of myself for finally "improving"! And I know that's probably not going to be the last or most difficult situation I'm going to be put in with a baby and dating a Guy who isn't the father...... wait until the day I run into the birth father some where!!!.... Oh my gosh!!!" I'm scared Sh*t less!!!!!
But that's all of my improvement for now!
Hopefully more to follow!
I knew from the start that Andrew planned on being around her forever.
And as Sophia grows Andys and her relationship is a MILLION times better than the relationship I ever had with my daddy. Which I'm so greatful that she recieves the love that she recieves from him!
SOPHIA LYN PULLAN?.... someday:-)
( that excites me more than Krystle lyn Pullan)
I can't wait to marry her daddy<3
The smile he brings to my daughters face ever time she sees him is ALMOST as good as the first time I laid eyes on my beautiful baby girl.
I can finally say I'M HAPPY! !!!!
But anyways, about my "improvement"
I'm over the fact(finally) that Sophia's not by blood, Andy's. It helps that his family is so accepting.
I started to get out more..... walks, joined the gym, tanning, and hanging out with friends and church.
I was most excited about church, I wanted so badly for Sophia to grow up in a church. I wanted her to have the same faith in God as her daddy does.
My first day going to church I thought would be peachy and relaxing. For once I wasn't scared of what people thought when the looked at me. I don't know why but I had this image in my head " church is the one place were people can't judge" " no one can hurt me at church"...
Well I was completley wrong.!!!!!
It was probably one of the worst times my insecurities actually became reality.
(It's really not that bad) I still today could cry about it though. I guess I was and still am just shocked about how blunt people can really be.
Didn't their parents teach them how to handle things appropriately!? There's a time and a place!!!
But anyways, the pew behind me was a Guy and his maybe wife or girlfriend.... I don't know... but a girl, could have been his mother.
But they were sitting behind me and Andy's dad (grandpa Pullan, to Sophia) .... the man was awe'ing at Sophia the whole hour. Well at the end of the service people are getting ready to leave and there's plenty of people introducing themselves to me and Sophia and being welcoming and NICE! Out of no where this man(man behind me) came up to me and out loud says " hi" HES NOT THE FATHER,IS HE!??" and points to Andy....mind you he doesn't introduce himself or even ask my name, to this day I have no clue who this man is.... now to anyone else your probably thinking oh my gosh krystle your a BABY! But honestly, I paused and almost started crying right there! In front of everyone!!!... it hurt! I mean I prepared myself for this ( at least tried) and I knew some people knew and some didn't.... and I also knew I would have to explain it.which I'm OK with!.... but I never thought someone was gunna be so blunt about it!. Like, in front of others? Really... to me he could of handled it in SO many other ways! Nicer ways! More appropriate ways!
That night I broke down crying to Andy... I finally started to be comfortable with going out and people seeing me and then this happens! I swore to him I was never going back into that church again!.....
Andy respected that.
Next Sunday comes around and Andy doesn't say a word..and his Parents didn't even ask if I was going or not( I think they knew what happened)..but I woke up, got myself and Sophia ready and we went back to church!
I'm glad and I smile at the fact that I did. I'm proud of myself for finally "improving"! And I know that's probably not going to be the last or most difficult situation I'm going to be put in with a baby and dating a Guy who isn't the father...... wait until the day I run into the birth father some where!!!.... Oh my gosh!!!" I'm scared Sh*t less!!!!!
But that's all of my improvement for now!
Hopefully more to follow!
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